Comments on: On friendship http://blog.moorejen.com/2008/04/on-friendship/ Wer ist der Wasser? Thu, 20 Nov 2008 18:47:09 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: Lucello http://blog.moorejen.com/2008/04/on-friendship/#comment-787 Lucello Sun, 25 May 2008 14:41:28 +0000 http://blog.moorejen.com/?p=106#comment-787 Of course there are instances of bragging and name-dropping, with the pointed intent of belittling the listener, but generally you can tell this from the tone of voice and other characteristics of the person. Still, when a family member writes that their son or daughter just aced their exams, are getting into a great school, or got a great promotion, my natural reaction is pleasure and pride in their hard work and the success that came from it. And sometimes I find it strange when Europeans put such considerable effort into wrapping their achievements and successes up in many, many layers of self-deprecation. It can actually be difficult sometimes for me to judge their character and values by my own 'normal' gauge. This is also why I tend to view Europeans as always focusing on the negative aspects of life, instead of the positive as I do. Of course there are instances of bragging and name-dropping, with the pointed intent of belittling the listener, but generally you can tell this from the tone of voice and other characteristics of the person.

Still, when a family member writes that their son or daughter just aced their exams, are getting into a great school, or got a great promotion, my natural reaction is pleasure and pride in their hard work and the success that came from it.

And sometimes I find it strange when Europeans put such considerable effort into wrapping their achievements and successes up in many, many layers of self-deprecation. It can actually be difficult sometimes for me to judge their character and values by my own ‘normal’ gauge. This is also why I tend to view Europeans as always focusing on the negative aspects of life, instead of the positive as I do.

]]> By: Marc http://blog.moorejen.com/2008/04/on-friendship/#comment-786 Marc Sun, 25 May 2008 14:11:01 +0000 http://blog.moorejen.com/?p=106#comment-786 I agree that talking about one's own success can be quite a touchy subject in Germany. Directly mentioning it usually is seen as bragging. When talking about my positive abilities and achievements I tend to either sell it as not worth mentioning or as something I participated in rather than something I did on my own. Seeing it from your perspective makes it look quite weird. :-/ I agree that talking about one’s own success can be quite a touchy subject in Germany. Directly mentioning it usually is seen as bragging. When talking about my positive abilities and achievements I tend to either sell it as not worth mentioning or as something I participated in rather than something I did on my own.
Seeing it from your perspective makes it look quite weird. :-/

]]> By: saradee http://blog.moorejen.com/2008/04/on-friendship/#comment-783 saradee Wed, 30 Apr 2008 15:50:33 +0000 http://blog.moorejen.com/?p=106#comment-783 I promised someone I would leave a comment... so here it goes. I decided some time ago while I was in high school that I would not be superficial. No meaningless smiles, compliments, invites, or bragging about myself. I’ve carried this behavior with me through the years with surprising ease. With this view on friendship, I don’t have a huge social network, but I feel like I have real friends. Interestingly, when I spent some time in Europe I found that my behavior completely confused the Europeans. They didn’t know how to react to me because I was obviously American (only knowing one language and all), but there I was not being “American”. For example, a friend here hooked me up with a German family there. During our first get-together they must have realized that I was not a self-boisterous personality, and they immediately took the conversation into subjects of music, arts, geography, and history. But I couldn’t match their knowledge or wit. I left from their home feeling completely upset, but without a good grasp of whether there was something wrong with me, or them. After returning to their home a few more times they began to open-up (i.e., talk about the negative things in their lives). I’m still not completely sure about our interactions, so I really appreciate this blog entry and the other comment. I promised someone I would leave a comment… so here it goes.

I decided some time ago while I was in high school that I would not be superficial. No meaningless smiles, compliments, invites, or bragging about myself. I’ve carried this behavior with me through the years with surprising ease. With this view on friendship, I don’t have a huge social network, but I feel like I have real friends. Interestingly, when I spent some time in Europe I found that my behavior completely confused the Europeans. They didn’t know how to react to me because I was obviously American (only knowing one language and all), but there I was not being “American”.
For example, a friend here hooked me up with a German family there. During our first get-together they must have realized that I was not a self-boisterous personality, and they immediately took the conversation into subjects of music, arts, geography, and history. But I couldn’t match their knowledge or wit. I left from their home feeling completely upset, but without a good grasp of whether there was something wrong with me, or them. After returning to their home a few more times they began to open-up (i.e., talk about the negative things in their lives). I’m still not completely sure about our interactions, so I really appreciate this blog entry and the other comment.

]]> By: BunnyToaster http://blog.moorejen.com/2008/04/on-friendship/#comment-782 BunnyToaster Wed, 16 Apr 2008 06:02:34 +0000 http://blog.moorejen.com/?p=106#comment-782 There's more to it than that... People in Europe tend to be jealous of each others' success to a degree that's rarely seen in the US. For that reason, we Europeans avoid talking about ourselves other than to our very closest friends. Even then it's usually the negative parts of our lives that we reveal, we avoid talking about the positive, because that would be considered bragging and incite jealousy. Success is something you earned in America. In Europe, it's something that you stole. The platitudes shared by Europeans are different, but they are still platitudes. For example, the British discuss the weather with a fervor that makes you think weather is a recent arrival to the British isles. There’s more to it than that… People in Europe tend to be jealous of each others’ success to a degree that’s rarely seen in the US. For that reason, we Europeans avoid talking about ourselves other than to our very closest friends. Even then it’s usually the negative parts of our lives that we reveal, we avoid talking about the positive, because that would be considered bragging and incite jealousy. Success is something you earned in America. In Europe, it’s something that you stole.

The platitudes shared by Europeans are different, but they are still platitudes. For example, the British discuss the weather with a fervor that makes you think weather is a recent arrival to the British isles.

]]>